Monthly Archives: April 2004

Jesus Spams

Some smartass has signed me up to the Christian Family Coalition mailing list. Either that, or they are conducting an apocalyptic e-mail address Soul Harvest. Blasphemy will get you kicked out of heaven, but it won’t deter conservative Christians from hitting you up for money.
Anyway, in the spirit of crisatunity, I am going to make good use of their spam by publicly mocking it.

To: hime@[redacted]
Subject: Thousands of Christians Rally in San Francisco to Protect Marriage!
Even in San Francisco, where homosexual extremists have taken over the
political establishment and have used their “power” to discriminate against
Christians, the message was loud and clear about marriage.

I myself have witnessed the roaming bands of homosexual extremists, denying marriage licenses to Christians and forcibly redecorating their apartments. However, the Christians haven’t been too concerned, because the shadowy gay conspiracy only has scare-quoted “power” and not actual power.

On Sunday, nearly 8,000 Christians from more than 180 churches came
together for a rally supporting traditional marriage. Chinese, Korean,
African-American, Caucasian, Hispanic, Filipino and Vietnamese people from
the San Francisco Bay Area lined the streets and held signs that read,
“Honk for Traditional Marriage,” sending a strong message to the California
Legislature and Gov. Schwarzenegger (R) that marriage is the union of one
man and one woman.

Nearly 8,000 Christians! Clearly an unstoppable juggernaut. The legislature and Governator will now have no choice but to enshrine the principle of heterosexual marriage into state law… oh, wait.

“We applaud Pastor Kwong, the event organizer for his bold courage and
determination in standing up for marriage in California”, said Anthony
Verdugo, Founder and Executive Director, Miami-Dade Christian Family
Coalition.
According to Pastor Kwong, the event boosted morale in the San Francisco
area and emboldened the community to take a stand. Pastor Kwong said it was
a “wonderful assurance of the Lord that this is His will, and His plan for
His people is to stand in San Francisco and be salt.”

What? “Be salt”? I’d like to make fun of this but I don’t know what it means. Maybe when God gets around to bringing down the holy smite onto SF these 8,000 Christians will turn into pillars of salt like Lot’s wife? I have no idea.

Mysterious.

The award presenters are introduced in the form of a mystery, i.e. various facts about the presenters are revealed as clues before their names are stated. (Incidentally, the flow of bad puns shows no sign of ceasing.)

Back East

I leave tomorrow (today, technically) for NYC, and will return Sunday. Therefore the posting frequency here will probably continue to be low. However, tune in Thursday night for possible live blogging of the Edgar awards (depending on just how inconspicuously I can tap away on my phone).
While I’m gone, I recommend submitting an entry to the Kerry-oke songwriting contest.

Good advice

Most people seemed to know last week’s quote, which was from Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode 2×16 “Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered”:

Amy: Oh, I don’t know, Xander. Intent has to be pure with love spells.
Xander: Right. I intend revenge. Pure as the driven snow.

This week’s difficulty: Easy, 1 point.